Wednesday, March 23, 2011


John 'Boy' Eden once stood up in a hall full of Germans, sipped some lukewarm water and solemnly intoned: "Every time you apologise for a lack of blog posts...a fairy dies!" Well, that's pretty hip-to-the-jive, daddy-o, but what about good old-fashioned MANNERS? Answer me that. Heavy manners...that's what the world needs today. Otherwise you'd just have CIA-backed Islamist cats and rats stuffing gullible youths to the gills with halluco-drugs, destabilising honest-to-God socialist democracies and squatting the Gaddafis' gaffs! Incidentally, you really should check out a copy of today's Star. Apparently, Mad Dog's gone on the run with 40 virgins. I was wondering when his all-grrrl ninja hit squad would finally make an appearance in this fiasco. It's also cool that the Star got its pix of the grrrls via Google Search ((I only know this 'cos they're the first pics that came up when I googled 'GADDAFI GIRL BODYGUARDS' for some joke post on BTi about the geezer looking like Charlie Harper, about 3 years ago)).

I've been playing this new online game called 'TWIT-AARGHHH' recently. You have to enter 140-character tweets and, if you get re-tweeted by 10 people, you win a Libyan dinar. The best way of bagging the loot is to repeat, ad vomitorium, some witty political comment that hardly anyone disagrees with. For instance, you could tweet: "HMS CUMBERLAND COSTS 90K A DAY IN LIBYA CONFLICT - NHS CUTS, WE GET YA!" and you're guaranteed at least 5 re-tweets. Well, that's how it works in our corner of the blogosphere; if you wanna follow Mariah Carey, I guess any old shit about praying for Japan or winged rainbow-chasing unicorns will do. Smiley Culture's tragic demise also highlighted the sheer dearth of material by the guy on BoobTube. After about 4,000 Police Officer tribute video links in the first hour, everyone had to switch to linking to Shan A Shan and Entertainer Entertainer to avoid looking like copycats. Incidentally, I decided to follow Obama on TweetORama, guessing that, in return, he'd re-tweet a few of my offerings and boost my player ranking. No dice - he just spent the whole time banging on about, "WE MUST ENSURE THE AMERICAN CHILD HAS ACCESS TO EVERY OPPORTUNITY FOR ADVANCEMENT," or "TRANSPARENCY IS KEY TO MAINTAINING TRUST". Word to the wise, reader - don't believe ANYONE who uses the word 'transparency', they're all fucking liars. If you could see the moral sewers flooding these clowns' homes...anyway, the world's 'most powerful man', playing online games all day...I ask you!! At least Gaddafi didn't act like some SEGA-ogling nerd.

So far, I've been re-tweeted about 11 times, which means I've earned a Libya buck and a cent. Bollocks! If you google 'BTi_Enquiries' you can follow me ((follow me, leave your homes and family, leave your fishing nets and boats upon the shore)) and stay up to date on the latest blog news. Do bear in mind tho' that, since I've been Twattering, actual blog posts have dried up to 1 a month.

Still, I'm gonna try and crank something out here in a short while, preferably before it all kicks off on Saturday. There's so much going on on the weekend, I really don't know where to head for first. Thank God I've got a GPS app now, is all I can say. Could certainly have done with one of those in the '90s - if only to find a nearby boozer, when the Workers Power crowd started hollering like Yoko Ono into their megaphones. As far as I know, Ian Bone ((once 'Britain's most dangerous man')) is sticking on a 'Tahrir Square in Hyde Park!' event and, now, the SWP have nicked the idea ((as usual!)), only relocating THEIR 'Tahrir Square' to Trafalgar Square. What's with nicking other squares' names, for fuck's sake? You don't hear the '92 Battle of Waterloo being referred to as the 'London Race to Berlin', though a proportionately equal amount of nazis got pounded as a result, and let's face it - you're not gonna get gunned down on the 26th. I just rang up Coral and they're offering 2/1 on horseback charges across Hyde Park and 1/4 on the Trafalgar Square 'Egyptians' getting kettled. Ah, Hyde Park...that was my first proper riot. You never forget your first time, especially when you're 18 and you've just left home three months before. I still don't know how I managed to hurl myself over the rails from a standing position, but may I be struck down with radiation sickness if that's a word of a lie. Actually, maybe the UK Uncut lot are a better bet - during the early afternoon at least.

And there ends my apology for not posting much.
You fairy-murdering bastard.
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