BEYOND THE IMPLODE 3 - BRITISH AIRWAYS 0

1) Reckon that spontaneity's a greater conduit for wit and lively chat than reading from a script, and subsequently prepare no notes whatsoever on the records you've selected. After all, you've heard them a zillion times, so it's not like you'll freeze up, have nothing to say and have to frantically ad lib when the mic's in your face, is it?

2) Have a few drinks before the recording, to counter your phobia of microphones. Knock 'em back sharp-ish, get pissed too quickly and then spend the duration of the podcast slurring, umming and erring.

3) Despite your long-suffering co-host's constant reminders to keep the mic at chest level, keep raising it to your mouth and/or leaning over to talk directly into it, ensuring your co-host has to spend hours editing out all the pops and distortion ((and beer swigging slurps)).

4) Have your mind go inexplicably blank when trying to describe the previous record, and why you think it deserves inclusion in the Anarcho-Punk canon. Reveal that the most interesting fact about, say, feminist punk-popsters Hagar the Womb is that they formed in a toilet. Summarise a certain tune's relevancy by saying it's "really good".

5) When the record's actually playing, and despite your co-host politely reminding you, for the 9th time, that these songs last about 2 minutes and that the next track needs to be cued up and 'ready to go', spend this brief breathing period gulping down lager, congratulating yourself on not having cracked up laughing so far, and popping into your co-host's kitchen to say hello to his partner.

6) Try to open up with some feeble joke about the Kronstadt uprising, then realise it's crap, so just veer off topic and start ad-libbing about something else entirely.

7) Yabber all over the top of the Crass track so your co-host has to re-record that segment. Then find nothing to actually say of any value about that band.

Still...could have been worse. We could have done an Oi! podcast.

Anyway, the BTi vs Uncarved vs YouAreHear production is up HERE. Many thanks to Jim and Magz for taking a punt and slipping the monkey the keys to the zoo, and to John Eden for providing the superior commentary, technical know-how and the Crass and Academy 23 tracks, which I forgot to bring to the recording. Apologies to The Mob, I don't really 'hate' you. Here's a rough track listing, for those who can't understand drunken Burnt Oaker:

Conflict - Berkshire Cunt
The Ex - Human Car
Crass - Securicor
Xpozez - Skitzofrenia
Class War -Better Dead Than Wed
Six Minute War - Strontium 90
Twisted Nerve - Neutral Zone
The Apostles - Mob Violence
Blaggers ITA - Jail House Doors
Potential Threat - The Hunt Is On
Flux of Pink Indians - Tube Disaster
XS Discharge - Lifted
Exit-Stance - Ballykelly Disco
Dezerter - Ku Przyszlosci
Hagar The Womb - Dressed To Kill
Oi Polloi - Commies And Nazis
Lost Cherrees - The Wait
Academy 23 - Ceartas Air Sgaith Albannach

And check out some of the other fine You Are Hear podcasts, including highlights from this summer's Sonar Festival. I'm off to nut a fur trader, see ya in a bit.