BEYOND THE IMPLODE 3 - BRITISH AIRWAYS 0

Who Makes The Nazis? is a new blog exposing wankers in the neo-folk / martial music scenes ((about 90% of them, then)). Personally, I could do with never seeing another snap of that desperate attention whore Boyd Rice ever again, but I suppose if the site saves just one curious child from wasting his/her money on a totenkopf-emblazoned duvet cover, it'll have done its job. So far, the blog's content's mainly been an expansion on material from that Stewart Home v Tony Wakeford expose' from a few years back, but it'll be interesting to see what else the author dredges up.

As far as I'm concerned, Death In June can sod off with the 'industrial' and ((especially)) the 'goth' tags, though. You ain't fit to even MUTTER the saturnalian syllable GOFF 'til you've torpedoed a fucking great hole in the ozone layer with a stockpile of hairspray - you get me? Subcultures' sartorial diktats exist for a reason, or else you'd just have crusties wandering around saying, "Yeah mate, I'm a Ted. Honest."


((Sol Invictus: about as 'goth' as your mum...)) ((unless she's a goth))

All the goths I ever knew, regardless of gender, enjoyed a drink. I'm talking psychedelic snakebite by the gallon here, natch. Here's a quote from Albin Julius, some neo-nazi loser who plays in a 'martial' band, from an interview I just half-arsedly googled: If I one day will leave Austria to move to another country, at the moment I can only think about Italy. How couldn't someone love a nation that makes sooooooo excellent cappuchino and wine. What the fuck? People, can we PLEASE not confuse these steaming streaks of paralysed piss with the GOTHS? Tamora must be turning in her grave. Even Pete Murphy never uttered sooooooo excellent, let alone in connection to a frigging cappucino...((and you'd think, with these idiots constantly stressing the importance of European brotherhood and culture, they could be bothered to spell the fucking thing correctly...)) CAPPUCCINO - ha ha, I fucked that one up...

Still, I did have a good laugh when perusing some of the links offered by Who Makes The Nazis? One of these, 'Health Spy', has a tonne of info and links concerning David Myatt and the Order of the Nine Angles (ONA). DON'T READ ANY ONA STUFF, YOUR EYEBALLS WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU. Short version is - oddball called David Myatt forms Satanic order while living in a caravan, writes convoluted essays about the occult, helps set up Combat 18, 'becomes a Muslim fundamentalist' ((for the blowing people up / anti-Jew aspects)) and whiles away his days setting up blogs with sock puppet accounts and singing his own praises ((albeit humourlessly)). Anyway, there's some teenage / early 20s Satanic group in California called White Star Acception ((google it)), which claims to be influenced by the ONA, and features two gobby girls ((or, just as likely, one bloke)) called Chloe 352 and Kayla 352. WSA has a Wordpress account, and it's some of the funniest bollocks I've seen in a while.

Basically, WSA see themselves as 'sinisters'. This means they pledge alliegance to Satan, consider David Myatt an incredible guru, they love National Socialism and the Taliban and they can't wait to hasten the arrival of 'Dark Imperium', which is something Myatt probably made up during his caravan years. Kayla / Chloe seem particularly obsessed by the awesomeness of nazi skinheads, as well as the aggressive, feral instincts of black street gangs ((I...I'm confused!)), though they're extremely rude about Vietnamese immigrants. There's some awful, sub-Richard Allen fiction about skinheads in Leeds in 1973 on the site too ((seriously, don't bother)).

Anyway, the sinisters hate the 'mundanes'. The mundanes are the blind, pathetic sheeple who hold down regular jobs, pay their electricity bills and don't take Burzum seriously. It's every sinister's duty to rape, steal from and 'cull' the mundanes. If it wasn't for the fact there're so many dreary articles on the site, I'd swear the whole thing was just a prank to wind up right wing Satanists ((who seem to be well pissed off with WSA, and with Kayla's / Chloe's inability to shut their traps)).

According to the original ONA guidelines, you have to meet strict criteria for acceptance into the left hand path. This includes being able to run 26 miles in four hours and cycle 200+ miles in 12 hours; learning how to play the 'Star Game' ((don't ask, not worth it)); and then culling a mundane. Presumably because she spends all her time sitting on her arse in front of the keyboard, Chloe prefers the less physically demanding entry route instead:

You – and each other participant, if any – then say:

I am here to seal my Fate with blood.
I accept there is no law, no authority, no justice
Except my own
And that culling is a necessary act of Life.
I believe in one guide, Satan,
And in our right to rule mundanes.

You – and each other participant, if any – then make a small cut on your left thumb with the knife ((pussies - can't they even do a Sid?)) and allow several drops of your blood to fall onto the paper.

Wannabe WSA-ers are then required to say the following: I swear on my sinister-honour as a Satanist that from this day forth I will never surrender, will die fighting rather than submit to anyone, and will always uphold The Code of Sinister-Honour. Sinister-honour is a big deal, you see...it's like infernal mafia. You can't ever leave the family. Also, if anybody takes a swipe at your kin, you have to go and kill them. You know, just like Leeds skinheads used to do in 1973, apparently. However, this is where Chloe fucks up - I can reveal that this charlatan, this QUACK, has broken the code of sinister-honour.

What happened was this - Kayla / Chloe was on 'mysatan.net', a kind of Bebo for Satanists ((I'm not making this up)) when some girl called 'Mercedes' allegedly cussed her honky ass and claimed that the WSA were full of shit. Now, I know what you think should have happened. Chloe should have obtained Mercedes' IP address, accessed her home details, rounded up the WSA in a stolen truck, driven to Mercedes' place and carved her into a hundred twitching pieces, before scrawling HEY HEY WE'RE THE SINISTERS on the wall, in the gutted chick's own blood ((with a swastika underneath)). I mean, that's sinister-honour in action, according to the rules. What REAL sinisters do. I mean...Chloe wouldn't deal with this serious infraction by just...going on Wordpress, pasting Mercedes' abuse and BEING RUDE BACK?

It's easy enough to google, but be warned - it's hardcore fare. She calls Mercedes 'bitch', 'dumb fuck' and 'dumbass mutherfucker'. Mind you, she does do a P.S Pardon my foul language, it was unlady like bit at the end, so that's OK then. Just because you're out to smash ZOG and cull the mongrelised multitudes of mundanes, there's no need to leave your manners at the door. What she, Myatt and all these Satanist twits DON'T realise is that if they had the balls to down a crate of Buckfast and play Release The Bats at full blast they MIGHT actually stand an earthly chance of meeting THE DEVIL, right in their fucking squalid bedrooms, and that the REAL harbingers of Ragnarok are THESE TWO. You get me?

Naturally, I hope Who Makes The Nazis? digs up some prime dirt on Die Form. Never liked them.

But cheer up! DUBVERSION's done a REAL goth mix, as in 'what goths back then were really listening to'. It kicks off with my favourite Banshees song ever, and full points for including Temple of Love and She Sells Sanctuary - seemingly obvious, but the only goths I met who didn't like these were Teds in black wigs. And Fall fans need to accept that The Wonderful and Frightening World... is a bona fide GOFF platter. Minus a million points for the inclusion of Theatre of Hate - but hey, I'm not gonna start bitching like a pig after the hash I made of the BTi A-Punk Mix ((Sendspace took it down after members of Exit-Stance rang the RIAA)) ((not really)), and Dubversion admits he hates them too.

In the spirit of inter-blog memery, which I haven't done for ages, here's 5 other Goth / Not Goth moments I personally like:

BLOOD & ROSES - "LOVE UNDER WILL" EP

B&R would probably disown the 'Goth' tag themselves, but look at the evidence: they used to play gigs with black candles on stage; they lived in a squatted hospital; they had occult symbols all over the record ((to boost sales, allegedly)); and their guitarist literally looked like a corpse that'd stumbled out of a Victorian fireplace. This 12" is spot on, and musically ticks all the boxes too: Love Under Will is fun and sweaty pogo punk, Nekromantra has a load of witchy 'WOOAHH-AHHHHs' and Spit Upon Your Grave is more GOTH than GOFF itself. In fact, I'm choking on hairspray just listening to the guitar riff ((girls', not mine; I was never a Goth)).

THE MONOCHROME SET - "EINE SYMPHONIE DES GRAUENS" 7"

Yeah yeah, they weren't Goths. But c'mon, check the bassline on this. It's basically proto-Goth in a Marakesh beat club, with low-down vocals detailing Nosferatu's attempts to cop off with a Catholic schoolgirl. The singer was an Indian prince or something, and they went REALLY shit after 1981. I guess they're a bit too fey for the Killed By Death crowd, and neo-folkies will hate them because they never recorded a song about Heidegger - but if they had done, it probably would have been quite funny.

ALIEN SEX FIEND - "E.S.T (TRIP TO THE MOON)" 11"

Not trying to be perverse when I say I prefer this to Ignore the Machine, it's just that I heard this one earlier. Dubversion's so right when he says ASF were a million miles away from the po-faced stereotype of goth. The A-side's a groovy dance number that could've been a chart smash on a less neurotic planet, and Boneshaker Baby goes all punkabilly on the flip, in a sorta Cramped-up style. Eddie Cockroach! And to top it off, I Am A Product is a nice slice of glacial industrial that sounds like it was recorded in a dungeon with steam pouring out of ventilators ((ie- Slimelight)). Wasn't this the first 11" single ever pressed?

WAYNE HUSSEY ON THE JAMES WHALE RADIO SHOW

Take a Mormon who's been denied the juice of the barley for all of his young life. Put him in a couple of bands and get him knocking 'em back like Tantalus, to make up for lost time. Then get him tanked up, stick him on a late night ITV chat show hosted by a patronizing hobgoblin and watch a nation of insomniacs rock with laughter as he makes a complete spectacle of himself. You could tell the cool kids from the mundanes the next Monday at school - the cool ones were taking their shoes off and tapping them on their desks during Science, before dissolving into private joke laughter. Fucking hell...was Wayne sinister that night, or what?

KILLING JOKE - "FIRE DANCES" LP

Why don't Killing Joke fans like this one so much? You do realise the whole album's about staying up all night raving? Dominator was always a good one for watching khol-smudged, 6 ft 4 girls jive around to. Feast of Blaze reminds me of a mad goth girl called Ruth who once spent an evening rearranging coloured marker pens on the threadbare carpet and babbling on about how they were different countries. Pissed meself laughing, though I didn't have a clue what she was on about. Became a nurse, apparently.