Saturday, May 15, 2010


Ha ha ha! Happy now, you snivelling, Lib Dem-voting wimps? See that little battle plan worked as well as that time the Trojans dropped their spears and gawped Ooh, nice horse, mate. OK, Rage Against The Machine fans 1, Moderate Left 0.

Incidentally, anyone else see that thing in the news about the guy sentenced to prison, because he had a pic on his PC of a man shoving his genitalia up a dead squid's orifice? Look, I'm hardly the most liberal cat out here on the 'blog scene', and I think most people agree that buggering a zebra is bang out of order ((oh, and crack out the tear gas at Middlesex Uni! Has anyone considered how this occupation's affecting the fashion students???))...but, is owning a JPG portraying an act of cephalopod necrophilia REALLY all that bad? The guy could've been saving it for the front cover of a power electronics cassette release, for all we know.*

Shit, is it just me, or did four religious nutters blow themselves up in London in July 2005 and plunge us back into the Victorian dark age? You can't do anything these days, even writing a rap tune about beheading 'kaffirs' gets you hauled up in front of the BEAK. I'm not advocating sexual freedom to the extent that Dutch hotel staff have to spend their mornings picking blue 4-year old corpses out of wardrobes, just so some puke-inducing old filthbag can flog his scabby log to a repulsive, grainy 'Moppet' VHS... but say a woman was relaxing, naked, in the privacy of her own flat, and her pet budgie decided to fly down between her legs and peck'n'nibble at her nether regions...and say it was strictly consensual between both parties...I mean, who actually gives a toss what they get up to? I defy the RSPCA to argue to the contrary. Why, I knew a goth girl who used to french kiss the tail-less Scotch Terrier she'd adopted (and named 'Mrs Fiend'), and both woman and mutt seemed perfectly content with this lesbo-zoophile arrangement. She's now vice president of a moderately successful budget airline (probably); the bitch was put down after it headbutted a milk float; and I've never listened to The Cult's Brother Wolf, Sister Moon in the same way since.

And who bears the brunt of this backlash? The Furries, gentle, kind souls that they are.

Ah, the 'national interest'...that turgid, phantom trashcan within which our economic superiors secrete their ghastliest crimes! A kakistocracy of embezzlers and quacks; that's what we're under, boys. As Byron once put it: Accursed be the city where the laws would stifle nature's! Then again, that smackhead probably never had a seagull swoop down and snatch a fresh Cornish pastie from his mitts. Cull the fuckers, that's what I say.

In these troubled times, we have but one recourse: to listen to music, sweet music that uplifts the heart and soul. So here's something recorded under the last Tory government, back when society needed to condemn a little more, and understand a little less; conservative guardians of public morals were being discovered trussed up in frilly French maid outfits, gobs full of orange segments, victims of rather pointless kinky sex games gone wrong; and dotty divorcee pagans were slumming it in caravans, doing MDMA with fire-breathers, analysing crop circles and wittering on about the "rainbow tribe". Pull that NafNaf jacket and those bullet-hole jeans out of the wardrobe and get cracking:


*- actually, he had worse than just that on his hard drive, so fuck him.
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