BEYOND THE IMPLODE 3 - BRITISH AIRWAYS 0

Woofah editors John Eden, Paul Meme and 'Droid' ordered me to lug a box of the new issues down to Dub Vendor. I thought I'd cut out the middle man and flog them to punters outside FWD instead. I was doing a roaring trade - even marked up at a fiver, they were selling like hot cakes.

Suddenly, Mary Anne Hobbs came out of the club. "Oh my GOD, you're Martin, aren't you?" she screamed, flinging herself at me. "I love you! You're the greatest fanzine hack who ever lived!! I can't believe I've just met you!!! Can you interview me in Issue 4? Please? PLEASE??!!" I was just like, OH GAWD...EVERYONE'S STARING. I've never been into clingy women.

You always get punters who try to blag a copy without paying - normally students, or Kevin Martin. I just tell them to fuck off.

An hour later, I'd sold the lot, making £200. I'm not 100% sure - I think I was meant to return the dosh to Woofah HQ? But I spunked it at an 80s Groove night with some birds instead.

WOOFAH issue 3 is now out and available to buy. Unfortunately, MARK IRATION's not in this issue, so the zine finally gets a PG rating (I think he should have his own column, personally). After his cyclonic ranting in issues 1 and 2, some of the interviewees this time round - the Bomb Squad, Flowdan, that bloke who does Blackdown Blog - come across as a bit...what's the word? Shy? My favourite bits were the piece on the Belle Vue asylum in Jamaica, Soulja talking about pirate radio, the brilliant Woebot cartoon ('Charlie' is the spitting image of Bob the Blob, my supervisor when I worked at Parcelforce 10 years ago), the Badman Commandments, as ever, and a tear-jerkingly emotive review of the Soul Jazz England Story compilation.

My least favourite part was the bungling editorial oversight that saw three CD reviews all containing the phrase "Not essential then..." lumped together on the same page. Not essential then...but you can get your copy HERE, or ask at your local record store. If you've still got one.