Monday, January 28, 2008


Well, wasn't that an interesting diversion. Anyway, here's a gig review. I popped down this Stoke Newington club called Checkpoint on Saturday night with a bunch of ne'er-do-wells. OK, am I the only person in Britain who's fed up of having his paw stamped at the toll booth? Hey, doorpeople of the universe, instead of messing up my hand like I'm on day release, why don't you use your eyeballs, or work on your knack for remembering punters' faces? There's only going to be about 30 people turning up anyway. I'm just at the age where I'm sick of having some club logo smeared on the back of my hand, and then waking up the next day with an indecipherable black blotch. GRIPE NUMBER 2 - the only beer the venue served was some organic swill called 'Freedom'. I ended up playing table football with some bloke who used to be in the band Silverfish. Unfortunately, he beat me 27-2, which seriously pissed me off, so I really wasn't in the mood for crap bands on top of everything else. Sadly, Platform 5 were crap. Some hippie in school uniform was tossing off his guitar, another bloke sat with his back to the audience, doing something really fucking tedious.

I suppose if you were 'open-minded' you'd call it a 'cosmic jam' or 'Krautsquat'. But I wasn't open-minded!! I'd just been humiliated at table football and I was drinking farmyard slurry, the last thing I needed was to listen to this pair of jokers wasting half of my £8 entrance fee. A while later, Dajjah came on. Apparently they're 'cleft-step', whatever that is. No kidding, check their flyers. Sounded a bit like '90s techno to me. There were a few sporadic outbursts of moderate, mild-mannered dancing, but nothing too crazy. I hated the visual backdrop too. There was only one solution - to go down the pub and do some late night boozing. All I remember after that is John Eden begging me to try on his glasses and do an impression of David Grant from Linx, and a heated argument about everything in London being bullshit . NEVER AGAIN (unless someone good plays next time)
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