Monday, September 03, 2007


"POPISTS" - no, disliking Rihanna doesn't make me a middle aged Ocean Colour Scene fan who hates young working class girls and black people, you sanctimonious shitheads. Presumably, then, working class black girls are barred from listening to Oasis, Dylan, Captain Beefheart or Nuclear Assault? Or would that make them potential BNP voters? Jesus, 'popists', if teenage girls knew you creeps were prowling around the Selectadisc racks for Girls Aloud DVDs, they'd throw up. Oh sorry, you shop in Woolworths, don't you, cos that's where the 'working class' all go. You patronising, pompous, killjoy buffoons! You're more emotionally constipated and self-straitjacketed than the 'rockists' you obsessively berate. All 'popism' means is that you wanted to (loudly) champion some cause in the bar after your semiotics seminar, but you couldn't be bothered to talk about 'boring adult stuff' like practical ways of tackling homophobia and sexism. Mutya's crap and all.

PEOPLE WHO THINK IT'S BIG OR CLEVER TO ATTACK GOTHS - like the cowardly scumbags responsible for this disgusting assault -,,2155934,00.html . Bring back the rack.

ME ON 'WHITE REGGAE' - I've done an about turn on my previous, long-standing position on "white reggae MCs" - whereas I previously railed against them, shit - life's too short. I just don't care. I should stress that this 'position' was engendered in the early 1990s, a time when going to venues such as the Starlight Youth Club in Luton was viewed as unusual behaviour for honkies, and when white kids chatting in patois tended to draw hoots of derision (and the occasional slap) from whites and blacks alike. All it would take to fuck up a night sometimes was a white bloke chatting godawful patois as he harangued the DJ with requests - great, just add instant friction. It's never been my intention to bleat for any sort of separatism in the global reggae scene- it's been a long journey from the time I was a skinny 16-year old, riding the X-31 across town and listening to "Two Sevens Clash", "Police and Thieves" and "Just Reality" on my crappy Panasonic cassette walkman and when people used to ask me why I listened to 'paki music' (Ninjaman, Buju Banton and Tiger, believe it or not) - things are much different (arguably better) now. In any case, I was wrong, hands up - bang to rights. Sting and Snow can still go and fuck themselves though.

THAT HAIRY SHITWIT ON CHANNEL 4 - "Hello? Are you Maria Whittaker? Wait a minute, Maria! Please?! Are you Maria Whittaker? We're doing this show for Channel 4, Bring back the '80s Page 3 Sun Girls. We've got Sam Fox and Linda Lusardi, but we couldn't possibly make this show without you...Maria?! Are you there?!!" Don't you just want to smash in his badly-drawn hippie bear face with a monkey wrench?

SPACE HOTELLIERS - Given the expansive magic of the Solar System, never mind the Universe, whenever you hear corporate bigwigs blathering on about carving up space for condo and hotel developments, don't you wonder - when exactly did they vacuum pack their souls and flog 'em for a stakeholder's lunch?

DENNIS TITO - All he's done since that bloody space trip is gush like a 13-year old who's had his first pint. "I SUH THE CONTINENT OF K-K-KENYA!" the incontinent old fool yammers. "I B-B-BIN IN SPACE! IT WUH INCREDIBLE!" Of course, this multi-millionaire muppet doesn't mention the fact that the cosmonauts mixed a couple of floating 'jizz blobs' into his zero grav-proof chowder. No, he'd feel rather foolish if he realised he'd paid $20 million to consume Russian babypaste. Talk about casting pearls before swine. Anyway, I've made my mind up - I'm staying on Earth - thanks anyway, Association of Autonomous Astronauts, but no thanks. I used to love the idea of visiting the Pirate Catwomen of Mars and swapping earthly trinkets for photon guns, but it seems like it's just gonna be a bunch of cunts in orbit from now on. In fact, contra AAA, maybe we should encourage as many billionaires as possible to check out a terrible pity if their return craft somehow 'stalled' and left them stranded in their lunar luxury resorts...
Aha! Behold the rockist in his ivory nest, children. See how outmoded he is, shunning cutting-edge dance music like the Lo-Fidelity Allstars and the Chemical Brothers, decrying proper pop like Ace of Base and Be*witched. I bet he even pretends not to like Harry Potter, the po-faced bastard! Also, he's probably a blackshirt. Let's fun him to death, the miserable old Tory. I'll bet he's listening to The Wedding Present or Bivouac right this very second.,,2161978,00.html
im not going to rant, im not going to rant, etc.

all i will say is

"All 'popism' means is that you wanted to (loudly) champion some cause in the bar after your semiotics seminar, but you couldn't be bothered to talk about 'boring adult stuff' like practical ways of tackling homophobia and sexism."

right the fuck on, Martin!!!!!

BANG ON!!!!!!!!!

*thumps chest*
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