BEYOND THE IMPLODE 3 - BRITISH AIRWAYS 0

AWAKE, SOLDIERS OF THE LAMB!!!

SO, the politically correct bully-boys at British Airways have been humbled by the very God whose Son's sacrifice they unwisely attempted to REBUKE! The vicious and cowardly attack on our sister Nadia Aweida - VICTIMISED by Godless BA SCUM for wearing her crucifix with pride - has rebounded spectacularly; traces of Polonium210 on this heinous airline's fleet show that our saviour the Lord Jesus Christ shall NOT be mocked!

So begins the editorial of the xeroxed paper that popped through my door this morning. The piece is attributed to Christian Voice 'shepherd' Stephen Green, who provides his mobile number, 07931 490050, urging anyone with info on the 'enemies of God' to get in contact "as soon as humanly possible", "because time is running out". Other articles deal with the cinematic trivialisation of demonic possession, mainly slating the recent release Requiem, plus calls for boycotts of various UK businesses and academic institutions. A PO Box number at the end accompanies some reproductions of pro-life sticker designs (100 for a fiver), which range from your standard SPUC embryo heads to designs depicting petrol bombs and injured scientists, accompanied by slogans like THIS IS OUR ANSWER TO FAMILY PLANNING! and ABORT MARIE STOPES. There's also a cartoon of a crusader slaying a dragon with a star and crescent on its belly.

But never mind all that, for a minute - British Airways - seriously, they're the shame of the skies - treat you like a bunch of babies; whinge at you if you whip out the Bibl...er, a magazine instead of observing their poxy safety demo (look, there's only one thing that's going to happen when your plane goes down - VIOLENT, BLOODY DEATH, with 170 other passengers stamping your ribs into powder as their ripped up, limbs-still-twitching corpses get sucked into the void); and seem to believe that a glass of disgusting cheap red wine'll leave you bladdered. Just try getting a third (tiny) can of Stella out of the bastards - you'd have more luck raising the dead. Personally, there's nothing I'd like more than to see BA get sued to buggeration for negligence, so that excellent carriers like Singapore Airlines can bring travellers joy and happiness by getting them completely off their nuts on vodka and orange.

Still, Polonium, eh - it's this year's Bird Flu, only marginally more interesting, as we're at least heading back to proper spy business. ((Oh, and also the fact that, despite the hysteria, Bird Flu didn't actually reduce Britain to a depopulated wasteland patrolled by SAS death squads in gasmasks, with a handful of survivors roaming London Underground tunnels, sprouting feathers. As turkey, parrot, chaffinch and robin were cruelly dispatched this time last year, BEYONCE THE IMPLODE was the only blog to stand up and cry: STOP THE MADNESS! Try believing me from now on....)).

It's almost like we've gone back to the old days of Vatican bankers swinging under Blackfriars Bridge. Suicide bombers may think they've got a valid political / religious axe to grind, but bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb - give us a bit of variety, for God's sake....at least now I genuinely feel like a disposable human pawn, caught, alongside millions of others, in the eye of the storm of all-out tech-war! Weedkiller and nailbombs indeed! But when former Soviet assets start getting wiped out by radiation, it feels so retro you almost expect a convoy of rag and bone men to hit the streets, flogging sheets of lead so you can turn your pad into a DIY anti-fallout shelter. After 5 years of torturous pontification and pseudo-religious bunkem, Armageddon's finally getting interesting again.