Tuesday, September 19, 2006


OK, I haven't much time to bullshit around with a lengthy intro to this one, so here's the score; on 25th September, I will be boarding a flight to Hamburg, Germany. This seemingly innocuous journey will mask a highly sinister occult ritual - one in which you, dear readers, may play an extremely pivotal role.

Here's what to do - it's simple.

1) ON SEPTEMBER 25TH, BETWEEN 6PM AND 7PM BST, text a desire to the following number - IT'S LONG GONE. No need to do 'magickal' re-jumbling of letters or any of that schtick, a straight forward text in proper spelling will do.

Don't be shy, no mortal eye will read it. It could be a wish for a bit of cash, or loads of sex, or for Starbucks to go into liquidation - who knows? Revenge on your ex? A lucky horse? The fall of a politician or hated boss? However, be aware of 2 factors -

a) the more extravagant the wish, the harder it might be to achieve, unless

b) a group of you team up, and text exactly the same wish. Strength through numbers, and all that. But then again, as far as I know, nobody's properly trialled Text Magick before, so anything's up for grabs.

Incidentally, I know the Temple of Psychick Youth were into the next bit, but you don't necessarily have to toss yourself off while you're sending it (but feel free to do so if self-abuse greases your bacon-grinder)

2) DO NOT RING THE NUMBER. Or do if you like, but there won't be any answer. If someone DOES reply, shit your pants, cos that ain't no human pickin' up, baby, believe!

3) After 7pm BST on 25th September (or 8pm in Germany), the SIM card to which your texts have been transmitted will be used in a ritual and disposed of in a highly secretive manner at a pre-determined spot. From then on, don't text the number, or you'll just be spunking your money up the wall.

Finally, I can only add that if we don't experiment, we can't complain about lack of results.
but will it or won't it also aetherically charge our phones to broadcast taiwanese smut?

or should we trust you that it doesn't?

Only one way to find out....
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