BEYOND THE IMPLODE 3 - BRITISH AIRWAYS 0

Bread and circuses, that's what these peasants need ; competitions, prizes, MOOMINS DRAGGED INTO THE TOWN SQUARE AND BURNED ALIVE BY HOODED INQUISITORS! So mote it be, cupcake....so mote it be! Yes, it's the dawning of the first ever BTI COMPETITION, a scattering of pearls before swine - and what pearls! What swine! See them snuffle the cultural trinkets of yore!

OK, here's the score.

Anyone can enter this competition, EXCEPT people living in New Zealand. This is because I had to share a flat with a Kiwi once, and she was such an unpleasant cunt that I refuse to deal with anyone from this scraggy arse-end of the world until my volcanic grudgefulness has dissipated - a process which may take years and will possibly necessitate an energetic jig on her grave. Let her sordid, pedantic, racist misbehaviour tarnish you all!

Anyway, the lucky winner- may Lord Ganesh's trunk shower you with effluent fortune! - will be receiving a copy of JOSEPH BEUYS' insanely rare "Coyote" book - first 60s US edition, well arty - as well as a HERMANN NITSCH CD-Rom, where you can see a load of people running around crucifying naked men and throwing cows' organs around like confetti AND a copy of the ultra-fucking rare CHICKS ON SPEED VS KREIDLER CD EP.

Right - all you have to do is provide an answer to this relatively simple question - a knowledge of mathematics will be helpful.

MILK FLOAT CHALLENGE

This challenge takes place in a small town, where one dairy caters for all the inhabitants' needs. The town consists of five parallel, horizontal streets, simply named A to E. Each street has 20 houses, except Street B, which has 21, including a basement flat situated underneath B12, and numbered B12/2. The houses, numbered 1-20, are ordered numerically from east to west, except on Street C, where they run from west to east.

These streets only join up at each end by two adjoining vertical streets which link all of them - these streets are named K (the eastern one) and Y (to the west). Neither K nor Y have any houses on them, though the dairy is situated where Y meets Street D.

The dairy employs four milkmen - Buju, Shabba, Pato and Tippa. The milkmen are fairly worried - a sniper has been reported in the town, and it is rumoured that he has already killed two people - the occupants of A11 (at 6.40am) and A18 (6.46am). Unfortunately, the penny-pinching dairy owner has sourced the cheapest milkfloats going, and these run at a speed of 1 metre / 4 seconds. The only exception is Pato's float, which runs at 1 metre / 7 seconds, due to a damaged axel.

Streets A-E have a length of 60m, except K and Y, which are 50m long. Buju explains : "In between dismounting from the float, making the delivery and returning to switch on the engine again, it takes 10 seconds. I would estimate that the distance between where I park the float and the front door is 2 metres. I am convinced that any man would take the same time."

A news report has just come in - it is confirmed that the sniper is on foot, and has been sighted heading for the turning between Street K and Street B. The milkmen are now ready to start their rounds, and all emerge from the dairy. Pato and Shabba will drive to the corner of Streets A/K and begin their rounds from there while Buju and Tippa begin at the corner of Streets E/Y. The time is now 6.56am. Another report comes in - the occupant of B18 has been shot at 6.52am. The dairy owner has stipulated that any milkman who does not return by 8.45am will be sacked. Having issued this warning, he then locks himself in his office. The only exception in today's orders are that House A2 has requested no deliveries, as the occupants are on holiday.

Using your knowledge of the above facts, correctly answer -

a) WHICH of the milkmen comes back alive?

b) and - does he get SACKED?