Monday, February 13, 2006


I'm a big fan of the Eurovision - as a child, it was my only window on other cultures. How else would I have known that Israel was part of Europe? Anyway, I've decided to craft a 'Song for Europe' entry. It's gonna be an Italo Disco stomper called Love Fascist. So far, I haven't come up with much - a sort of chorus (I'm trying to be serious about this, wipe those smirks off your chops - fuck irony) that goes like this -

Love fascist (fascist!)
He's gonna goosestep all over your heart
Love fascist (fascist!)
His love's gonna tear you apart!

It's about a woman trapped in an unhappy marriage. I think the bits in brackets should be sung by a couple of girls. Here's the first verse

You're married to a love fascist
He's dictating your soul
His love's not democratic
His panzers seized control

The second verse'll be about how he grills his wife when she comes home late - I was sort of thinking - You're not allowed to go out tonight / no more dancing alone / his secret service is monitoring / your handbag and your phone but that sounds quite dismal.

Anyway, in the third verse, the singer announces that he's a communist partisan who's come to liberate her from her husband. Though, what's really bugging me is, should I get a couple of blokes to sing the bits in brackets and have a girl singing the lead?
brilliant! - but cant you get 'he's going to annexe your sudatenland' in there somewhere?
"Sudatenland"'s a tricky one. I honestly can't think of a rhyme. However, the boss did come and hover over my shoulder while I was googling "words that rhyme with Sudatenland", so there goes my pay rise
"first he wanted to hold you hand
now he's annexed your sudatenland"

Stop making the songwriting process seem so effortless
Possible lines for the last verse?

'Ive come to liberate your heart from this pain and destruction,

So tonight I will seize the means of seduction'
I think a mention of 'Blitzkrieg' could be good as well...
I think it HAS to be a girl singing the lead? Cos iirc men only win eurovision if they are doing soppy ballads.

"means of seduction" is awesomely good, but I don't think you'll find much to rhyme with blitzkrieg...
Yes, I think it should be a girl singing, cos if it generates News Of The World type "SICK LESBO ROMP LYRICS FOR UK SONG ENTRY" headlines, it'll definitely be voted in.

Thanks, incidentally, to Geeta "Original Soundtrack", for emailing in this suggestion - "Berlusconi, prime minister Tony / love fascists one and all / you want your women submissive and lonely / or you'll stick them up against the wall".
"weapons of mass seduction..." (?)
How about this for a breathless spoken word type intro...

'He said my love was worth more than all the nations he'd plundered/I gave him 99% of my heart - but he demanded 100...

Love facist (etc)'

Im working on that Blitzkrieg lyric by the way!;)
OK (ahem!)

Done as a warbly Female 'Grease' type bridge:

'In bed last night he made a midnight decree/Told me he was sick of the plots and intrigue/Baby run to your safehouse - run at top speed/or else hes gonna hit me with his love Blitzkrieg!

Ill get me coat...
I'm afraid you all fell for my trap, why should the unhappy wife in question be 'saved' by anyone else, male or female? You are all bound to a patriarchal view of relationships, and for this you must be re-educated! I shall inform the SWP immediately
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