BEYOND THE IMPLODE 3 - BRITISH AIRWAYS 0

Oh, bollocks to 'Treatment'. Meet the real hardcore. The kid second from the left is how I used to dress at 14, incidentally. IN 19-fucking-90. If the 'Treatment' pic is Someone's Gonna Get Their Head Kicked In Tonight by the Rezillos, this one's more like an unholy cross between the Undertones' Teenage Kicks and the riff from Monte Cazazza's To Mom on Mothers' Day. You'll have to mix them up yourselves if you don't believe me. In fact, if you don't believe me, why don't you go and suck on a can of sarin, fuck-o!

BUT I JEST....I'm just ill, you see. Been coughing up hot snot all day . Too sick to smoke. Caught the lurgi, seen? Though I am finding immeasurable comfort in a) mixing cider and Guinness to create a lo-fi, bootleg version of 'Black Velvet' b) the Shogun Assassin soundtrack album, which I illegally downloaded using a laptop from work - brilliant electronic score, pees over anything by Kraftwerk c) laughing my head off at the George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine advert - sorry, but it's fucking hilarious, I can't get enough of it. He's so proud of it, he put his name on it d) relaying all this shite to random strangers on the Internet. Too bad that means you, eh? Still, cheer up, at least you didn't join the police.