BEYOND THE IMPLODE 3 - BRITISH AIRWAYS 0

JOHN EDEN AND PAUL MEME - ON THE WIRE (BBC RADIO LANCASHIRE) MIX

I recently met John Eden in a Stoke Newington Irish theme toilet, and asked him if he fancied a DJ clash. "What are you going to play," he sniggered, "'Mysterious Girl" by Peter Andre'?" I told him that I'd probably start off with Wickerman's "Gun Mi Carry", and a shiver ran through his body. A long silence descended, punctuated only by the sound of the rain fizzing and crackling off the tops of two hot lamps in the beer garden. "Actually, I'm busy every night until 2007", he coughed, legging it out the door.

Anyway, after the ill-conceived and poorly-received "Boom Boom Bashment" mix **, Eden and Meme have stormed back to the champion form they once displayed on "Lyric Maker". Yellowman's "Soldier Take Over" on the Tanka rhythm is such a classic, and the version here is some obscure connoiseur (sp?) version, with added horns and guitar licks. Chuck in some vintage Admiral Bailey and Shabba stuff, plus an LFO Demon freakout, and you'd have to be a member of Christian Voice not to download this immediately. Death to Islam!

** - I'm only joking, I just think bashment sucks

XEX - Group : Xex

So I'm sitting in an airport bar, trying to listen to this obscure and pleasantly skewed electro album from 1980, when an irritating man in fawn chinos comes up and starts trying to tell me about his kids. Like I care! Normally, it's easy to scare these sorts of fruitcake away by simply telling the joke, "What do you get if you stick a knife in a schoolboy? An erection". But I didn't deploy it this time, as I was too busy pondering, "How mad is this CD??"

Songs include "Soviet Nerve Gas Attack", a blackly comical, swirling, tense mass of cold war paranoia ; "Rome on $5 a Day", a weird take on the Red Brigades phenomenon, sounding like a cross between a Sugarhill Gang rap and sloppy but punchy electro, with arcade game machine gun noises and amplified screams ; and the murderous "Kitty", a hearty sing-song about physically and mentally abusing a cat - I know it's out of order, but it appeals to my sadistic side like a fresh gingerbread man appeals to a late-19th century Hungarian orphan. I'm not quoting any lyrics here as I can't remember them word-perfectly right now (like that ever stopped me before), but you need to hear them. This album has definitely enriched my life. Smash the Buddhists! (Incidentally, did you know that Zizek used to religiously watch "3 2 1"?) (((PS - I didn't make the schoolboy joke up, so don't lynch me - it was Jean Genet, honest!)))

PET SHOP BOYS - Battleship Potemkin Soundtrack

I was never massively into the PSBs, except for "West End Girls", which I seriously rate as one of the best 80s singles ever ((((not like it had much competition, granted - does anyone remember Red Box? "Marxist" (ha ha ha) "synthpop duo" (ZZZZ...) who did that awful video with the Chinese kid running around with a papier mache globe. My mother, in between shovelling novenas up St Jude's plastic anal cavity, actually bought their single from the newsagent, during one of her rare trips into (then) modernity : I can't think of more damning proof that Red Box were cack))). But this soundtrack's ace in places, even if it's a bit of a drag to listen to all in one go, and the best moments are reminiscent of Coil's "Dark River"- cold ambient with lush noodling. Nice arty packaging too. Down with Falun Gong!